My very first year of college (probably within a few weeks of the semester starting) I was labelled a “slut.” I’m not sure if it was just the people I was hanging out with calling me that or if the whole school knew about my rendezvous’ but it was out there. I was mortified, embarrassed, and downright ashamed that I had let someone think they could label me in such a way.
It was one girl spreading this rumor about me (at least that I know of). And she let any and every one know that I was a “slut” the entire 4 years I attended that school. Some of my friends would tell me about it, how she spoke to them about me and my promiscuous activities. One of my friends even said, “well you’re not like that now so I really didn’t pay attention to anything she was saying.” I was grateful to hear that although someone took it upon herself to drag my name through the mud, my friends, people who actually knew me didn’t care.
I’m telling you this story in hopes that as women we can leave this type of behavior in the past. For some reason, women oftentimes feel the need to compete and minimize one another. We struggle to trust other women, and therefore, tend to be on guard with other women, and quite frankly it is just sad and unnecessary.
I am a strong believer in lifting one another up rather than tearing each other down.
So lets first examine why we behave this way toward our fellow sex. According to, Tracy Vaillencourt who wrote an literature review analyzing why women behave in this way it is due to a woman’s tendency to express indirect aggression toward other women, and this aggression is a form of “self promotion” and “derogation of rivals.” In other words, women try to make themselves look better by being catty to other women.
There are two psychological theories surrounding women’s use of indirect aggression toward other women. The first theory, Evolutionary psychology, states that women use indirect aggression to protect themselves while diminishing the value of other women. Feminist psychology basically says that because we are taught that our value as a woman lies in securing a man, we turn on each other.
But it doesn’t have to be like this. We don’t have to be like this. So let’s break the mold and be better.
The point of this blog is to empower women. Support one another and just be better by knowing better. I know I get anxious when I’m meeting up with a group of girls because we tend to be so critical of one another. I know my hair, makeup, and outfit all needs to be on point, and everytime I do this, I ask myself, “why am I doing this?” And it’s because I don’t want to be unfairly judged, and it’s exhausting.
So I challenge you to BE the change, change the story of what it means to be a woman.