I read something the other day that stated “no one is going to love you like you do.” Those words immediately struck a chord with me because it is absolutely true and we so often forget that as we go about our lives. Love is the most desirable feeling known to man, so naturally it is actively sought out.
However, loving yourself–flaws and all–is just as important as any other love relationship you pursue.
I believe self-love is slowly becoming a more keen topic of discussion but it is not practiced and encouraged as thoroughly as it should be. I think this is because sometimes we don’t know how to practice loving ourselves and sometimes we forget our value.
I went through a dark phase after I left my ex-husband where I just didn’t value myself. I mean I knew he had lost a good woman but I wasn’t acting like a good woman. I was out there doing THE MOST. And wasn’t treating myself with dignity and respect nor others. I think I was just disappointed in myself, for allowing myself to get into that predicament where I literally had to start over from scratch. I was cruel, emotionless, and downright didn’t give any f*cks.
I had to work really hard to get back to myself because I knew that wasn’t me. I’m generally a nice person, who respects herself and others, with values and morals, optimistic personality, and full of love, life, and laughter. What I learned the hard way was that self-love is the cure to self-hate.
So how do you learn to actually love yourself?
Here is my 10 step formula to self-love:
- Forgive yourself for your mistakes. You are your hardest critic and therefore, you will own your mistake by punishing yourself–hard. Remember mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow, and hard lessons learned. After all, you are human and everyone makes mistakes which is the epitome of accepting your humanness. Once you forgive yourself for your past mistakes you can move on with your life and loving yourself regardless of your mistakes contributes to your self-worth.
- Treat yourself. I can stress this enough the importance of self-care. Taking good care of your basic needs such as exercise, nutrition, sleep, intimacy, and healthy social life is a great start to loving yourself. Taking care of yourself allows you to be the best version of yourself. This also includes rewarding yourself, in however you feel necessary. Me personally, I enjoy getting my nails done regularly, this might look different for you but regardless of what it is you do, you deserve it!
- Establish limits. Often times, we do too much for other people which takes away from yourself because you are spreading yourself too thin. Believe it or not, learning to love yourself more involves the ability to say no to work, activities or friends and family that drain or harm you physically, mentally, spiritually, or have a negative reflection on you.
- Practice mindfulness & move with intentionality. It is important that you are always mindful of who you are, what you think, feel, and want so that you are moving with purpose at all times. This way you will avoid getting sucked into old habits or behaviors that aren’t in your best interest. Moreover, you remain focused and live your life with purpose and design. This also includes protecting your energy, by being cognizant of the people your surround yourself with; never forget that not everyone has your best interest in mind, and not everyone should be blessed with your presence. Protect yourself–you come first.
- Make a list of your accomplishments. This is a great way to fall in love with yourself all over again because it serves as a friendly reminder of your self-worth. Focusing on the positive in this way will make you feel good about yourself. You can even take this a step further and have these serve as the basis of positive affirmations that you can reflect on daily.
- Start a journal. Writing down your thoughts, feelings, and experiences serves as an excellent form of self-therapy. Journaling is a good way to “vent,” focus on the good, learn from the bad, reflect on your actions, and dialogue with higher self.
- Enjoy your own company. Have fun by yourself, take yourself on a date and go to the movies or go out to eat, do whatever makes you happy. Do things that make you feel good. The point of this is to place your own well being and happiness at the upmost regard.
- Try new things. You never know what you like until you try it, so why not pursue new interests. By going outside of your comfort zone you are challenging yourself to grow and be better.
- Give yourself a break. I know we all are busy and feel like there is not enough time in a day to get stuff done but if you could just start by dedicating 30 minutes a day to just relax. This could be in the form of a bubble bath, meditation, reading a book, listen to music, etc. Whatever calms your spirit and brings you peace, you need to practice it every day religiously. Make time for yourself!
- Trust your intuition. Think back to the old wise tale I’m sure you heard at some point in your life: “never underestimate the power of a woman’s intuition, it is her secret weapon.” It is absolutely true that your intuition holds power, so listen to your gut and trust your instincts ALWAYS! Furthermore, self-trust is a vital step in achieving self-love.
So there you have it ladies, the formula to loving yourself right at your fingertips. You might find that you do some of these things already or maybe there are some you need to work on more. Whatever the case may be, I promise you that the most essential part in living in this world as a woman is self-love because no one can take that from you.
So I challenge you to unconditionally spoil yourself, value yourself, and accept your self-worth since self-love is a priceless gift to possess.